Foot Loose with Red Shoes and Happiness
It's so hard to transition being transgender. You either have something or you don't. Your clothing and shoes are either male or female. You try your best to get your clothes transitioned over to female from male, but face it, we all wear a ton of different items. To change your entire wardrobe from guy to girl is a challenge. That said, one department that I'm lacking in is shoes.
Every girl has a ton of shoes. Aside from them being awesome and fun to have, you need a different type for just about every outfit you wear. You need that color to go with that bag. You need that style to go with that skirt or that pant or dress. The requirements go on and on.
Sadly, I only have a couple pairs of shoes in my beginning stages of transition. I am trying to get more of them, but with limited funds, what's a girl to do? The other night, my dear friends, Rachel and Sharie, invited me over for dinner. They are a married couple and Rachel is transgender like me. We help support one another in our transition and are friends on Facebook. I gladly accepted their invitation and went over to their home in Hollywood one Saturday night. I wore a simple skirt with a nice top. Jewelry topped of the simplicity of my clothing choices and I wore the only girl shoes I had; sandals. The outfit was fun though and looked great, but the shoes were sadly boring.
I arrived at their home around 7 PM. As I walked through the door, I was greeted by my awesome friends. Kisses and hugs filled the doorway and I made my way inside. We all looked at each other's outfits and did the traditional oo's and ah's. It is so much fun to dress up. Tonight was no exception. The girls looked great and I was not liking my shoes compared to their stylish heels and platforms. I refused to even look down at my lowly sandals. I commented on how awesome their shoes looked and remained positive.
As I commented about her shoes, Sharie then asked me if I had ever worn heels before? My reply to her was a huge yes! I loved heels and always adored them. I remember wearing heels secretly and before I was "out of the closet". I dreamed of one day having my very own closet full of them.
Then Sharie did something very sweet. She made her way to the bedroom and came back out with a pair of heels in her hand. She said "here, try these on". I was so thrilled tat she would even think to do such a kind gesture. How much fun it is to try on shoes; it's a girl thing. I made an attempt to put my feet into these stylish shoes she handed me, but no luck. Usually, your toes get smashed and pointy heels hurt. That's normal, but these were definitely not going to work at all. I was sad they did not fit but I tried not to show it. Sharie began to leave the room again. I wondered what she might bring out next?
Sharie said "I'll be right back." I was a little excited, but I didn't get my hopes up too far. She came back into the room where we all were seated and in her hand this time was another pair of red heels. I thought, "Now these look like fun." Sharie handed me the three inch heels. They were bright red with silver and had around a four inch heel. You'd agree, they looked like "Dorothy's red shoes had mated with the Tin Man's silver ones" in the way they were so bright. But to me, they were magnificent. They were a perfect fit!
I walked around in these "bright red sky scrapers" and I think everyone may have been surprised at how well I took to them. During your life as a transgender person, you learn to wear a lot of different clothes. Certainly shoes were one of those items. Girls love shoes and for transgender girls, there is no difference.
As transgender girls, you learn to hide your clothing "experiments". You have to learn how to wear things like shoes secretly. Throughout the years, I would sneak into my Mom's, Girlfriend's, Friend's Sister's, Wife's (X), or anyone else's closet to try their shoes on. You have to learn somehow and this is the typical way transgirls have to do it if they don't buy them. The tricky part is locating a woman with large feet! That said, I have worn a ton of heels in my day and I have easily learned how to wear just about every kind of shoe available. Heels were shaky at first, but after a hundred times of wearing them, you get the hang of it. So at Sharie's house, these red heels were simple for me to adapt to.
I walked about their living room, kitchen and porch area with ease. My legs and feet looked great in them. I instantly fell in love. Being the ham that I am, I went into my display of how I could dance in heels and walk and do just about anything in them. I guess heels for some girls are a love-hate relationship. For me though, heels are divine! When I tried these red babies on, my toes were just fine after a simple smash and tuck of the pinkie toe. They weren't Prada, but to me they were. I think Sharie saw how much I loved them and declared to me that I could have them! I was thrilled and hugged her neck. What a gift and I was so appreciative. Remember, all I had were those boring sandals. Now, I no longer had to sneak around or wish for heels. I had a pair of my own thanks to the generosity of my friends.
I must have worn those heels for the next four hours or more. I couldn't take them off my feet. I wanted to go dancing in them and waking in them and showing off my great legs in them. I had a blast with my bright red heels and they were very comfortable. Even a few days later, all I want to do is wear them all over again.
Those shoes did something wonderful for me. They made me feel so "normal". Like a real woman. You see, transgender girls always try to fit in and be "real" and "authentic girls". Clothes and shoes are a huge help in that area. They make you feel whole and oh so happy. Like a canceling out of your negative guy image. A small correction of the gender mix-up you find yourself in. Whenever you can alter your outside to match your inside, you do it. These bright red shoes were like medicine to me and I guess there will never be words to adequately describe what they've done. Maybe you have to be a transgender girl to fully get it?
As the old song says: I am "foot loose" and I have "kicked off my Sunday shoes". I will never be the same again. A night out at a friend's house was so wonderful and I drove home with a beautiful pair of shoes. Maybe one day, shoes will do for you what they've done for me. I am happy.
Jenny Taylor
jennifercohenhappy@gmail.com
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